it's one of those things. some people think it's a paid vacation. some people think it's a prison sentence. it's really sonewhere in between. don't get me wrong, most of the time there is no where I'd rather be than with my boys. but winter is a real beeyotch. and keeping two boys and yourself entertained during 8 degree (!!) days is rough. you spend way too much time indoors, like three days in a row. your feet may look slightly green from wearing the same pair of green socks for as many days. you might have cried through ten episodes of parenthood in a single day. you might even have scrapped half the chocolate frosting off your son's two-day old birthday cake in one day and called it lunch. hey you added pretzel slims to the frosting and milk. that's almost a complete meal right? clearly those last seven pregnancy pounds are no longer a mystery. once you arrive at these and other low points, it's time to develop a plan:
Maternity leave survival tips:
1. Shower every day. Even just a two-minute scrub down. If nothing else the water will wake you up after those delightful 45 minute cat naps your son was taking all night long.
2. Get dressed each morning. In actual clothes that have actual zippers and actual buttons. Even if you're staying home all GD day.
3. Get changed into pajamas every night. Do not go to sleep in the clothes you sat around in all day watching parenthood and eating frosting.
4. Leave the house every day. Walk around the block. Go to target, again. Something. Chat too much with the meth-looking cashier or mom in front of you in line who seems equally in need of adult conversation.
5. Make real meals, aka mamas cannot survive on frosting alone. Or at least eat a kind bar.
6. Put some make up on. No, really. Five minutes and you'll remember you're almost cute. Run a brush through your hair and add a shirt without milk stains or baby vom and you'll be strutting.
7. Ask for help. Your family and friends are there to make your life easier. Don't be too proud to say I need a nap, cheesecake, bubble bath, glass of wine, anvil, etc.
Image: Warhol print purchased via art.com for Sol's nursery which is currently in progress.