when atticus first came home from the hospital i never felt so lucky, scared or in love in my whole life. this teeny little bundle with so much dark spikey hair, lips and cheeks for days and the most piercing blue eyes was here forever in our lives and i could not imagine life without him. it was so strange to not feel his kicks in my belly any longer but to hold him while he gripped my finger so tight and feel his breath on my shoulder.
we went to visit my in-laws one afternoon and stopped off at a market on the way home. i remember it was raining and nelson ran in while i stayed in the car to stare in disbelief at a very sleepy and beautiful atticus. nelson was going through a major paul simon kick at the time and mother and child reunion softly came on in the background in what felt like the most important moment in a movie. without warning i began to sob, gasping for breaths and gulps of air, wondering how i would ever leave my sweet boy, how i could love him so much already and how one day he would leave me to go out in this world and have babies of his own. he would be a boy and a man and a daddy and a grandpa and a million other things. i felt so proud of him already. every day i know him is a better day then the last. i can't believe he's mine.