respecting the single parent

nelson was in LA last week and I had to single parent for four whole days (BFD right?). well let me tell, it IS a BFD. mad respect to single parents everywhere, i don't know how you're constantly on like that.

here is a list of stuff i never appreciated being able to do until there was not another adult around:

1. unaccompanied bathroom visits. in an ideal world, you would only have to use the facilities when your child is sleeping right? well, there are at least 12 other hours in the day and not going to the bathroom for all of them is more than challenging. the solution, of course, is to bring your child with you. sounds simple enough right? except, it's not. you're in a less than compromising position (ahem) and your child is easily curious, bored and thrown to fits. come on, he's one. so he wants to flush the toilet, pull all the toilet paper off the roll, dump the trash, throw a fit and oh, try to grab your butt.

2. eating at a human pace. unless you're going to feed your kid exactly what you eat at the exact time you eat, don't bother trying to sneak something else because your kid is way smarter than you and also the ultimate mooch. if you want it all to yourself, shovel it in fast and don't forget to chew.

3. showering when the sun is out. i showered at 10 p.m. every night last week and there was something so creepy about it. it was pitch dark outside and inside (except for the light in the bathroom) and the whole time i kept thinking, "i better hurry before someone comes in to murder me." i've watched way too much svu.